Chuck Norris Meets Ouran
by Jagsrule5
Summary: A collection of Chuck Norris jokes, all centered around the hilariously eccentric characters of OHSHC! "31. Thunder is a sign that Chuck Norris is approaching, and lightning strikes when he's in the ass-kicking mood… No wonder Haruhi wants to hide…"
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**Author's Notes: **Well, hello there! I was bored one day, so I decided to write this up! And now, I'll share it with all of you lovely people.

Hope you enjoy it! :D

Disclaimer: I don't own any part of OHSHC or Chuck Norris. Because no one can own Chuck Norris... Chuck Norris owns everything.

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><p>1. The Hitachi twins once had a triplet. Unfortunately, he decided to make eye contact with Chuck Norris.<p>

2. Renge once tried to cosplay as Chuck Norris, but died of misery that she could never portray his incredible badassness.

3. Chuck Norris always knows which one is Hikaru.

4. Kasanoda's icy glare means nothing to Chuck Norris… He eats those glares for breakfast.

5. If Chuck Norris told Kyoya to get out of bed early, he would. With a smile.

6. Nekozawa would go into a tanning booth if Chuck Norris willed it.

7. Chuck Norris looks better in a dress than any of the Host Club. Of course, no one really knows because Chuck Norris is too manly to be seen in a dress.

8. When Honey got a cavity, it didn't really heal from lack of sweets. It healed because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked his mouth with such incredible force that the damage reversed itself.

9. Haruhi will never love any of the Host Club members. Her heart will always belong to Chuck Norris.

10. Éclair only uses a lorgnette because, if she ever ran into Chuck Norris, she would go blind with sheer admiration.

11. Chuck Norris and Honey-sempai once got into a fight; as a result, the entire nation of Japan went down in flames. But this minimal of damage was only because Chuck Norris forgot to stretch that day. Speaking of stretching, Honey had been carried away on a stretcher.

12. Mori only carries Honey on his back to protect him from Chuck Norris. Of course, this would never work. No one is safe from Chuck Norris.

13. Honey is classed as a 'weapon of mass destruction.' Chuck Norris would be classed as 'Oh, hell. Run!'

14. If Chuck Norris were to push a potted plant onto Kasanoda, Mori would know better than to yank him out of the way. Doing so would earn him a roundhouse kick to the face.

15. Chuck Norris doesn't need a 'lovely object.' Chuck Norris _is _a lovely object.

16. Growing mushrooms in Chuck Norris' closet would result in loss of limbs. Good thing for us, Chuck Norris makes a lovely stewed limb and mushroom sauté.

17. Antoinette once tried to lick Chuck Norris. She lived, but only because Chuck Norris doesn't have an appetite for golden retriever…yet.

18. Chuck Norris is the spice that makes commoner's coffee taste so good.

19. Haruhi used to be a world-class singer. That is, until she badmouthed Chuck Norris.

20. Haruhi didn't come to Ouran because of a scholarship. She came because Chuck Norris was in the mood for a comedy that day.

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><p><strong>LETS TRY FOR ONE HUNDRED! Go ahead and review with ideas! ^.^<strong>


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**Author's Notes:** Woo! That's right, I'm back! And wow, these things are harder to write than I thought.. ^^;

But no matter! I will make it my goal to get to one hundred, at all costs! *determined face*

Before we begin, I'd like to give a biiiig thank you to Super Vada, Chushiki Maho and tortor for their fantastic reviews. And of course to all of those who gave such great ideas. You guys RULE! :D

On with the chapter!

Disclaimer: I think we've all established that Chuck Norris owns everything (except Bruce Lee and Darth Vader, of course,) therefore owns Ouran. Not me. I know, I was about as shocked as you are. :'(

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><p>21. (Anonymous) Chuck Norris is allowed to call Mori and Hunny "Takashi" and "Mitzkuni"<p>

22. (Anonymous) Chuck Norris was once dating Haruhi. Ranka never had a problem.

23. (tortor1) Ranka doesn't actually approve of the host club. Unfortunately for him, Chuck Norris does.

24. Chuck Norris breaks at least five priceless vases a day, for sport.

25. No one can build a motor powerful enough to contain Chuck Norris.

26. Scientists can only assume that Chuck Norris' blood type is AB, because no one has actually been able to draw blood from Chuck Norris.

27. Fancy tuna and Chuck Norris are the only things Haruhi truly cares for.

28. Remember that time Tamaki got mad at Haruhi at the beach? Yeah, it wasn't because she put herself in danger. It was because she almost caused enough of a ruckus to disturb Chuck Norris' tanning time.

29. Ranka switched to men after seeing Chuck Norris without a shirt on.

30. Lobelia doesn't admit men to their school, but they'll happily make an exception for Chuck Norris.

31. Thunder is a sign that Chuck Norris is approaching, and lightning strikes when he's in the ass-kicking mood… No wonder Haruhi wants to hide…

32. When Nekozawa first glanced at Chuck Norris' face, he began hiding from the world in his black robe, disappointed that his princely looks could never compare to that of Chuck Norris.

33. If there were ever a dating sim based on Chuck Norris, no one would be able to pry Renge from her room, or any other sane female. This could create a safety hazard to girls around the world, thus it is prohibited.

34. Even if Kyoya _wanted _to sell candid pictures of Chuck Norris, (which you know he does…) he wouldn't be able to. Chuck Norris cannot be physically contained within a photograph.

35. If such a photograph as the one mentioned above _were _to exist, we would be in danger of another world war.

36. The doctors at Ouran would never _dare _tell a lie about Chuck Norris' health, because everyone knows that Chuck Norris can sniff out a lie.

38. Chuck Norris never has 'waaay too much time on his hands.'

39. Ruffles aren't needed on Chuck Norris' swimsuit. He looks damn sexy without them, anyway.

40. The Host Club members have started using Chuck Norris as Honey's alarm clock, mostly because they know that he's the only man for the job.

41. Chuck Norris was obviously the one who stuck gum into Haruhi's hair. He knew all of this would happen if he did so… because Chuck Norris knows everything.

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><p><strong>Almost to the halfway point, huh? Wow, we're making good time! Maybe, dare I say, enough to go <em>over <em>the hundred mark? **

***Sigh* A girl can only dream.. ;D**


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